2dogsnme

Letter to the bank

2010-01-27T01:32:39Z

Hoorah to angsty, disgruntled and spicy old women!

The TIMES

Letter of the Year:

An elderly lady actually wrote this letter to her bank. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in The Times and this newspaper thanks him most sincerely.

Dear Sir,

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three 'nanoseconds' must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my Pension, an arrangement, which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account £30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, re-recorded, faceless entity, which your bank has become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.

Please find attached an Application Contact Status, which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that a Solicitor must countersign all copies of his or her medical history, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number, which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press the buttons as follows:
1-- To make an appointment to see me.
2-- To query a missing payment.
3-- To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4-- To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5-- To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6-- To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7-- To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my computer is required. A password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.)
8-- To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 8
9-- To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year..

Your Humble Client

Addendum from The Editor:
IMPORTANT to REMEMBER that this letter was written by a lady who is 98 years old; DOESN'T SHE MAKE YOU PROUD!!!?

Foolish are those who place words above actions

2010-01-26T00:23:41Z

Today, in my History, I learnt deeply and truly what friendships are, and what they are not.

However, I am thankful and grateful, for at least I know what they ARE. :)

2dogsnme @ 2010-01-06T00:47:00

2010-01-05T16:47:52Z

Me: Where's my Christmas present?
TSO: Wait, still making.
Me: What is it?
TSO: Guess.
Me: Is it pretty?
TSO: I think so...
Me: Hmmm. Can I wear it?
TSO: No.
Me: Can I display it?
TSO: Not really. You need it.
Me: Is it jewellery?
TSO: No.
Me: Is it sparkly?
TSO: No.
Me: Is it a gadget?
TSO: No.
Me: Can I drive it?
TSO: No.
Me: Do I want it?
TSO: *very slowly* You NEED it.
Me: I don't want it anymore.

Ha.

Christmas Woes

2009-12-28T13:26:20Z

Just as I thought Christmas was going to be fantabulous this year, a horribly malicious crime had to be inflicted upon me.

Some stupid bugger hacked into my Gmail, Hotmail and Facebook account, and sent out disgusting fake emails in my name from my Gmail account to EVERYONE I have ever e-mailed before in my life, including my previous and current employers, as well as my extended family members. The e-mails were defamatory and are written to completely ruin my reputation. One of them even implicated one of my best friends as it revealed personal information about her relationship with her sister and her. Till date, I think she's still pissed at me even though she knew it wasn't my fault.

Anyhoo, thankfully the TechnoCrime CID Experts are on the case and the freaking asshole didn't find my livejournal or god knows what he would have posted here. He has sent out 4 personal e-mails, of which 2 were edited and untrue to defame me and my friend. Afterwhich, he has joyously deleted ALL my e-mails in my inbox AND sent items, and deleted every one of my contacts in my gmail and hotmail so I no longer have any of my friends' emails. He has also taken the liberty to completely destroy my facebook account with all my comments/ photos/ personal notes such that my boyfriend is now 'In a relationship' with *blank*.

Was it a case of me using too simple passwords and the same password for all accounts? Nope. The passwords for my gmail, facebook, hotmail and livejournal are all different, and all of them contain some capital alphabets and numbers. As it turns out, it doesn't take a genius to hack into your system, NO MATTER what your passwords are. If they have some basic knowledge of who you are, such as your parents' first names, part of your address (you can google the postal code online), workplace, best friends, etc, all they have to do is click on the 'Forgot password' button in each respective account, fill out any basic info and answer your security question if it is easy enough, and get a new password sent to a separate email account to take over yours. This means that anyone whom you consider a friend, or an acquaintance who knows your friends and asks the right questions about you can hack into your system if they choose to. So it isn't just about keeping your password idiot-proof, but also ensuring that you change your security question at least once every few months, making sure that the question can only be answered by yourself and your direct family members.

So do I have a suspect? Yep, an asshole whom I stopped associating myself with because after a couple of months of knowing him and helping him with his father and anger issues, he turned psycho and stalker on me. It got to the point where I had to make an official police harrassment report against him in July, and when he saw me get together with the bf, well, he must have turned even more psychotic and decided to go all out to make me lose my job and relationship. Fucker.

Well, when we clamp down on the moron, he's going to die and BURN IN HELL, because such crimes are deemed as extremely serious and the punishments are incredibly severe in sunny Singapore. Most of the provisions of the Computer Misuse Act carry a maximum fine up to $10,000 Singaporean dollars and/or imprisonment up to three years for a first offense. For the second and subsequent offenses, the penalty is a fine up to $20,000 Singaporean dollars and/or imprisonment up to five years. If there was damage caused as a result of the crime, the penalty is a fine up to $50,000 and/or imprisonment up to seven years.

Sometimes, I must say: Hao xin mei hao bao. The bf blames my trusting nature and idealism in wanting to make this world a better place, and putting my own safety at risk. Maybe this is why so many Singaporeans have become so untrusting - because of such PsychoMorons out there.

I pui them. I pui them all.

With that, I'm signing off with a Stay safe and keep your computers and accounts hacker-free note. Hope your Christmas and holidays have been a much better one than mine, and remember that technology can be both a boon and a bane.

Help!

2009-08-03T05:15:40Z

Hi guys,

I'm looking to go for a 3 day 2 night getaway at a beautiful beach resort with a lovely beach and decent accommodation. However I have a budget of $600 for 2 people for 2 nights inclusive of flight and lodging, anyone has any recommendations? Not too hyped up about the idea of long coach rides either (3-5 hours tops). Is it cheaper to book via travel agencies? Or no diff? Super duper need your help cos I'm such a resort bimbo. o.O

Thank you!!!

Busty for a good cause

2009-07-24T06:24:29Z

So I was one of the team leaders for a community project called Hello Campaign a while back, and it was fun and all, but I didn't think about it until my friend excitedly sent me the Hello Campaign website.

Lo and behold, there I am adourning the page front. Most certainly have been keeping abreast (koff koff) of things, haven't I?

Wai Hong says:
You're on a lot of front pages lately!
Yiting says:
Got meh? No ah.
Wai Hong says:
Well, relatively speaking, you get a lot of press these days mah.
Yiting says:
As compared to the rest of my life right?
Wai Hong says:
Hmmm... I dunno. I didn't know u until last year... were you a wanted criminal before that? I'm sure you'd done a lot of controversial things in the past, but I guess its only lately you've been hogging more news time... so something must be right.
Yiting says:
Nonsense.

Not very marketable

2009-07-10T21:21:04Z

"There's not a lot that I am good at. But I'm good at getting guys to want me. Not date me, or marry me, but want me. Oh, and sharing - I'm great at sharing."

"Sharing is good."

"Yes," she observes in a moment of sad self-awareness, "but it's not as marketable as you think."

Because you'll block the way

2009-07-06T15:46:40Z

But dying 10 steps away is fine.

Funniest thing I heard all day.

2009-07-05T13:30:27Z

Me: Ready for work tomorrow?
N: I guess. Going to be a long, busy day.
Me: What do you have to do? Just attend meetings right?
N: No lah, you think I just sit around all day ah? I'm very busy OK? I have to find out what has to be done, check out who's in the office... and delegate out the work to others.
Me: *flatly* Did you say 'Delegate work to others'? Tough job.

What we need is Smart TV... LITERALLY.

2009-07-02T15:50:48Z

I had a glimpse of "Who's Smarter than a 5th Grader?" today and this quote immediately popped into my head:

"Don't you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked 'Brightness,' but it doesn't work."

So what's the deal?

2009-07-02T12:16:06Z

I'm not bad-looking by most people's standards, I reckon. I mean, I'm no Megan Fox, but I would consider myself above average-looking right. I mean I'm some lame-ass pageant finalist and 1st runner-up (as lame-ass as it is) and that must mean something, I'm hoping.

I'm a truly interesting person. I'm funny, I'm witty, I make dry, sarcastic, sometimes senseless but hopefully amusing remarks, and I always have an opinion which I'm willing to share... and after a nicely passionate light-hearted debate, agree to disagree in the end.

I'm intelligent. OK, so the Degree's a bit of a fluke, but I CAN plow through a thousand page textbook and understand it if I need to. Beyond just that, I'm street-smart, I solve problems, I have an unbelievable amount of EQ and empathy and I can relate to people just as well as others can relate to me.

I'm a good influence on people. I'm charming, charismatic. I host events, parties, fashion shows at others' requests because people love my energy, style and fun-loving nature which makes everyone relaxed enough with each other to get hyped up with fun. My students from 2 years ago STILL continually message me because they truly feel a connection with me, and when I listen, I LISTEN because I really care.

I say exactly what needs to be said, when it needs to be heard, by whoever whose hurt needs to be fixed at exactly the right times.

I've stopped being as clingy as I used to be, and am so much more focused on who I am as a person. I love my family ferociously, I make it a point to keep in touch and keep as close a connection to my friends as I can, I am uber protective of all my loved ones, and I stand for peace, justice and everybody's growth and happiness.

So my question is - why haven't I met Mr Right? What's up the the less than eligible people I have been seeing. Dude, 25 (almost 26) years on this Earth, do you realize by now how HARD it is to have 2 people meet and have a CONNECTION with each other and have Peace cascade down peacefully in their little worlds?

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not whinging about some asshole dude who cheated on me, or some weirdo freak who stalks. It's not even about the big things. That's the problem, we can't even get past the small things - like pettiness, or mindgames, or bad tempers, or lack of motivation, or lies, or inability to express.

A friend whom I had lunch with told me that if SHE can find loving, understanding, sweet, yet manly (and straight) Mr Right who doesn't have some horrible history with an asshole father leaving him an angry, distrustful and grudgeful person... So can I.

Pardon me. I choked.

So this is completely eluding me at the moment, and I'm pretty sure the problem potentially lies with me somewhere, but yes, while I sort that part out... The big awesome question I'm asking right now is: Where have all the good, eligible bachelors gone, and how do I get them to find me?

I am THIS close to making this some Bachelorette column because this is fucking ridiculous, and on some strange obscure level, terribly amusing, I'm sure.

Urgent Call for Help

2009-05-21T15:43:26Z

Hi everyone,

My friend's beloved Boxer is down with Tick Fever and is in quite a precarious situation. She is looking for a pet owner who is willing to let their dog be a blood donor for transfusion in order to save her life.

The transfusion needs to be done as soon as possible (preferably tomorrow May 22); the dog has to be approximately 30kg, young and in good health.

To fellow dog-lovers out there, I'm sure you understand the pain of losing your beloved pet, or watching your pets suffer, so if your dog(s) is/ are well and healthy, please be kind enough to step forth and help this family save their doggy member.

You can sms/ contact me at 96711181 as this is an emergency.

Thanks,
Yiting

Are you aware of AWARE?

2009-05-06T19:25:20Z

So 2 of my good friends decided to come together to create something exciting out of the AWARE saga, and they are currently the faces behind the whole series of controversial AWARE t-shirts. Good on them, I say (though the craziness behind the saga is getting a little too boring for me). So go purchase the t-shirts, cos 70% of the profits go to AWARE!

And once again, the responses just show how Singaporeans got NO SENSE OF HUMOUR.

*rolls eyes*

I told her I want a shirt that says "I'm on page 69" ;p

Play-time!

2009-05-02T22:55:00Z

I just had an awesome, awesome clubbing night at Play tonight. It was crazy fun and I'm glad my friends got to know one another. We successfully initiated one of my straght guy friends into the gay scene methinks, and everyone was sufficiently mad... Except maybe for James, but it's OK. ;p

My first time there. Music wasn't slutty enough I think, for a gay club but great company makes up for everything lah.

Before I go to sleep, I just wanna say I'm sooooo happy to see James and Stanley tonight and gosh, I really miss you guys!!! My friends had lots of fun with you two lah!

Taboo next with the rest of the guys? =x

An old classic in a new light

2009-05-01T19:32:09Z

Have you ever had the experience where you heard a song you love so many times that you forgot what it is you loved about it?

You kind of leave it aside, and move on to other things in your life - to other songs that charm your world.

And suddenly by chance, it wafts through the air into your ears again one day, and you realise why you loved it so much in the first place.

I just had that experience.

With this song:

I just want to know what blurs and what is clear - to see
Still I can see the pain in you,
and I can see the love in you
And fighting all the demons will take time, it will take time

The Angels, they burn inside for us
And are we ever, are we ever gonna learn to fly?
The Devils they burn inside of us
Are we ever gonna come back down, come around?
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold.

On a side-note, I just saw a stewpit weekend driver cut suddenly into the lane of a POLICE CAR with its flashing lights on. Missed the patrol car by a few centimetres.

Luckily the officers didn't pursue the matter.

Damn classic.

I <3 Conscious Costume Parties!!

2009-04-29T18:01:32Z

So for one night only I was an Arabian Princess in A Whole New World. Sexy maidens in the harem. A blue genie and his flourescent lamp. Painfully mint-tea drenched carpets. Osama bin Ladin lookalikes. Muslim-born Chinese. Bongo drums. Belly-dancing music. Fantastic Middle Eastern food. Excellently crazy company. Beautiful people.

What's not to like?!

Because I indulge in extraordinary moments. :)

Silly conversations

2009-04-02T21:14:27Z

I enjoy chatting with S because crazy anecdotes pop up so consistently, it tickles me no end.

Me: I might be going away to study for 5 years.
S: WHAT?! So long?! Why can't you just stay here and be a celebrity??
Me: What kind of statement is that? Most people go "Why can't you just be a salesgirl?", or "Why can't you just be an accountant?". You make being a celebrity sound so easy lor.
S: It is, and you have what it takes what. Just lose some weight babe, and join Miss Singapore Universe can liao.
Me: And what has become of all the Miss Singapore Universe winners so far?
S: Hn. They become sluts.
Me: Excellent. Thanks for painting my future of beautiful possibilities.

Disclaimer: I am not stating that all Miss Singapore Universe winners are sluts, though that definition varies from person to person.

Anyone up for an English scones and tea afternoon?

2009-03-28T00:36:33Z

Just doing a little heads up from my friend who's gathering a group of people down for a tea-time gathering and a little organic skin-care product launch for an atas brand called Persian Rose.

If you have nothing to do this afternoon, will be around Holland V area, love delicious English scones/ cakes/ what-not (and I do love Fosters' scones man.. damn delectable. What with the jam and cream.. drool...), are a sucker for new skincare products, and are interested to find out more, well, give them a call. I'll be there anyway. :)

And the Hand Reflexology tickets have all been given away already so thank you for those who have e-mailed, and I'm afraid I have no more to give interested parties. :)

Free Hand Reflexology Tickets

2009-03-25T19:54:05Z

Hi guys!

When was the last time you brought your aged parents/ grandparents out for a nice evening performance/ event they could enjoy? I've been helping out with a charity event bringing in Hand Reflexology into Singapore to help Singaporeans learn hand exercises/ techniques to keep themselves healthy without having to fork out ridiculous prices for medical expenses. Even my own daddy's been getting into it, and the pain in his elbow has dissipated ever since I started doing hand massages/ exercises on him. Good stuff eh?

Anyway, as such, my dad has actually sponsored about 30 tickets to the cause, and I am inviting all of you to bring your parents/ grandparents down to the Hand Reflexology Singapore event this Sunday, 29th March at Kreta Ayer People's Theatre. I'm bringing down about 10 of my aunts and relatives so I still have 20 more to give away, and I would love for my friends (on and offline) to benefit from them first. It's going to be from 7pm - 10pm and I hear it's going to be quite exciting, and you will learn many hand exercises, on top of chinese cultural performances (going back to roots mah). I bet your ah ma will enjoy. :)

If you wanna bring your grandparents down to this event for free, you can drop me an email at rainia13@gmail.com and let me know how many tickets you want, as well as your contact number, and I can slow-mail the tickets over to you, or meet up to pass them to you. Don't paiseh OK? It's for a great cause and anyway, the tickets are paid for so might as well not waste them. :)

You can read more about Hand Reflexology below, and see how it can help your family as well. It also creates bonding, and honestly lah, I feel so fulfilled when I know I am able to learn some simple skills to ease my daddy's aches and pains.

Yep yep, so let me know if you want the free tickets, OK? I'll be more than happy to hand them to you.

Fuck You Very Much

2009-03-17T10:37:13Z

I am currently loving Lily Allen. Brilliant song! :D A MUST-LISTEN.

Look inside
Look inside your tiny mind
Now look a bit harder
Cause we're so uninspired, so sick and tired of all the hatred you harbor

So you say
It's not okay to be gay
Well I think you're just evil
You're just some racist who can't tie my laces
Your point of view is midieval

Fuck you
Fuck you very, very much
Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don't stay in touch

Do you get
Do you get a little kick of being slow minded?
You want to be like your father
It's approval your after
Well that's not how you find it

Do you
Do you really enjoy living a life that's so hateful?
Cause there's a hole where your soul should be
Your losing control of it and it's really distasteful

Have you ever...

2009-02-15T07:03:25Z

wondered what you are really here for?

Vote vote!!

2009-01-07T19:50:50Z

http://thebedazzled.com/competition_votegal.php?page=4#vote

I'm amused!

New Year Insanity

2009-01-06T19:57:53Z

I just went mad and signed myself up for some Singles Pageant/Contest thingie. Mwahahaha...

It's the money I'm after. I looked at the potential male candidates and I'm feeling a bit -_-... at the moment.

Vitamin M, fall on my lap. QUICK.

Happy 2009: The Home-Coming

2009-01-04T22:45:30Z

Well. It's been a crazy roller-coaster ride of a year - one I have learnt so much from. Goodbye 2008, and thanks for all the changes and wisdom I have attained.

Enough pains. Enough experiences. Enough heartaches. Enough love. Enough perseverance. Enough tears. Enough laughter. Enough acceptance. Enough appreciation.

But never enough lessons.

I wonder what 2009 will bring me.

2008 ended with a dip and a high. Mum suffered from severe intestinal infection when she was travelling in Guilin, and was vomiting terribly, and on top of that had bloody stools. The pain was so insufferably intense that she literally thought she was going to die. Poor mummy was placed on drips in two (terribly substandard) Chinese hospitals before she was finally able to secure a flight back home. She spent the last 3 days of 2008 recuperating in Mount Elizabeth Hospital where she got all teary-eyed and thought back on the most important things in her life - Us.

It's amazing what near-death experiences do to people. As she laid on the hospital bed attached to a million and one tubes, she held my hand and cried, sharing her fears of not having the chance to see me one last time. I squeezed her hand in return and wept tears with her. The past year has been a homecoming of sorts for me and my experiences through the community my dear 2nd brother brought me into has allowed me to shed my shallow obsessions and expand my heart and soul outwards. This has changed the way I see and treat my family members and loved ones, and has brought all of us closer together. I am thankful that my experiences from coaching have taught me never to take anyone and anything for granted ever again. I spent 2 days and a night with her in the cold, unfamiliar sanitized ward to ease her discomfort. Thankfully, she was well enough to finally get discharged on New Year's Eve when we had lunch as a family - oldest brother and sister-in-law included.

Yes, things with the brother and sis-in-law have improved tremendously thanks to the realizations I have attained, and we have become much dearer as a family unit. In fact, they have just moved back home yesterday from over a year of detachment and unhappy grievances. It was tough and took months and months of tears, sleepless nights, putting down my ego, baring my soul unabashedly, and expressing my heartfelt love for them in order to move them (in more ways than one) back home. I am proud to say that we are all living happily under the same roof again, with my parents' very first grandchild on the way too. :)

What a year 2008 has been, eh? It started out from a broken distraught family into one that has finally come full circle. From a young, confused, depressed and angry lady into someone who is calmer, at peace, with an inner strength that resonates from within.

So what was 2008 like for you, my friends? Perhaps it's a good time to think back, and I strongly intent for all of you to be bestowed with even more beautiful gifts in 2009.

A few photos of NYE night, into the first hours of 2009. Nothing like great company and old friends to ring in the New Year with. :D

Sad eyes

2008-12-28T18:26:00Z

Someone once told me he could see the entire meaning of life in these sad eyes of mine.

"It's fucking annoying. I wish everybody would stop screwing other people up."
"But people are selfish."
"And that's all the sadness in the world placed into one tiny little sentence."

Funny how the dark whispers of yesteryears still weave their way back into my swirly thoughts, and ring true in even in present time.

When will we ever learn?

When will we ever learn.