Hoorah to angsty, disgruntled and spicy old women!


The TIMES

Letter of the Year:

An elderly lady actually wrote this letter to her bank. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in The Times and this newspaper thanks him most sincerely.


Dear Sir,

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three 'nanoseconds' must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my Pension, an arrangement, which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account £30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, re-recorded, faceless entity, which your bank has become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.

Please find attached an Application Contact Status, which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that a Solicitor must countersign all copies of his or her medical history, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number, which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press the buttons as follows:
1-- To make an appointment to see me.
2-- To query a missing payment.
3-- To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4-- To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5-- To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6-- To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7-- To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my computer is required. A password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.)
8-- To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 8
9-- To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year..

Your Humble Client

Addendum from The Editor:
IMPORTANT to REMEMBER that this letter was written by a lady who is 98 years old; DOESN'T SHE MAKE YOU PROUD!!!?

Current Mood: amused

Today, in my History, I learnt deeply and truly what friendships are, and what they are not.

However, I am thankful and grateful, for at least I know what they ARE. :)

Current Mood: awake

Me: Where's my Christmas present?
TSO: Wait, still making.
Me: What is it?
TSO: Guess.
Me: Is it pretty?
TSO: I think so...
Me: Hmmm. Can I wear it?
TSO: No.
Me: Can I display it?
TSO: Not really. You need it.
Me: Is it jewellery?
TSO: No.
Me: Is it sparkly?
TSO: No.
Me: Is it a gadget?
TSO: No.
Me: Can I drive it?
TSO: No.
Me: Do I want it?
TSO: *very slowly* You NEED it.
Me: I don't want it anymore.

Ha.

Current Mood: amused

Just as I thought Christmas was going to be fantabulous this year, a horribly malicious crime had to be inflicted upon me.

Some stupid bugger hacked into my Gmail, Hotmail and Facebook account, and sent out disgusting fake emails in my name from my Gmail account to EVERYONE I have ever e-mailed before in my life, including my previous and current employers, as well as my extended family members. The e-mails were defamatory and are written to completely ruin my reputation. One of them even implicated one of my best friends as it revealed personal information about her relationship with her sister and her. Till date, I think she's still pissed at me even though she knew it wasn't my fault.

Anyhoo, thankfully the TechnoCrime CID Experts are on the case and the freaking asshole didn't find my livejournal or god knows what he would have posted here. He has sent out 4 personal e-mails, of which 2 were edited and untrue to defame me and my friend. Afterwhich, he has joyously deleted ALL my e-mails in my inbox AND sent items, and deleted every one of my contacts in my gmail and hotmail so I no longer have any of my friends' emails. He has also taken the liberty to completely destroy my facebook account with all my comments/ photos/ personal notes such that my boyfriend is now 'In a relationship' with *blank*.

Was it a case of me using too simple passwords and the same password for all accounts? Nope. The passwords for my gmail, facebook, hotmail and livejournal are all different, and all of them contain some capital alphabets and numbers. As it turns out, it doesn't take a genius to hack into your system, NO MATTER what your passwords are. If they have some basic knowledge of who you are, such as your parents' first names, part of your address (you can google the postal code online), workplace, best friends, etc, all they have to do is click on the 'Forgot password' button in each respective account, fill out any basic info and answer your security question if it is easy enough, and get a new password sent to a separate email account to take over yours. This means that anyone whom you consider a friend, or an acquaintance who knows your friends and asks the right questions about you can hack into your system if they choose to. So it isn't just about keeping your password idiot-proof, but also ensuring that you change your security question at least once every few months, making sure that the question can only be answered by yourself and your direct family members.

So do I have a suspect? Yep, an asshole whom I stopped associating myself with because after a couple of months of knowing him and helping him with his father and anger issues, he turned psycho and stalker on me. It got to the point where I had to make an official police harrassment report against him in July, and when he saw me get together with the bf, well, he must have turned even more psychotic and decided to go all out to make me lose my job and relationship. Fucker.

Well, when we clamp down on the moron, he's going to die and BURN IN HELL, because such crimes are deemed as extremely serious and the punishments are incredibly severe in sunny Singapore. Most of the provisions of the Computer Misuse Act carry a maximum fine up to $10,000 Singaporean dollars and/or imprisonment up to three years for a first offense. For the second and subsequent offenses, the penalty is a fine up to $20,000 Singaporean dollars and/or imprisonment up to five years. If there was damage caused as a result of the crime, the penalty is a fine up to $50,000 and/or imprisonment up to seven years.

Sometimes, I must say: Hao xin mei hao bao. The bf blames my trusting nature and idealism in wanting to make this world a better place, and putting my own safety at risk. Maybe this is why so many Singaporeans have become so untrusting - because of such PsychoMorons out there.

I pui them. I pui them all.

With that, I'm signing off with a Stay safe and keep your computers and accounts hacker-free note. Hope your Christmas and holidays have been a much better one than mine, and remember that technology can be both a boon and a bane.

Tags: christmas, crime, hacker
Current Mood: accomplished

Hi guys,

I'm looking to go for a 3 day 2 night getaway at a beautiful beach resort with a lovely beach and decent accommodation. However I have a budget of $600 for 2 people for 2 nights inclusive of flight and lodging, anyone has any recommendations? Not too hyped up about the idea of long coach rides either (3-5 hours tops). Is it cheaper to book via travel agencies? Or no diff? Super duper need your help cos I'm such a resort bimbo. o.O

Thank you!!!

So I was one of the team leaders for a community project called Hello Campaign a while back, and it was fun and all, but I didn't think about it until my friend excitedly sent me the Hello Campaign website.

Lo and behold, there I am adourning the page front. Most certainly have been keeping abreast (koff koff) of things, haven't I?



Wai Hong says:
You're on a lot of front pages lately!
Yiting says:
Got meh? No ah.
Wai Hong says:
Well, relatively speaking, you get a lot of press these days mah.
Yiting says:
As compared to the rest of my life right?
Wai Hong says:
Hmmm... I dunno. I didn't know u until last year... were you a wanted criminal before that? I'm sure you'd done a lot of controversial things in the past, but I guess its only lately you've been hogging more news time... so something must be right.
Yiting says:
Nonsense.

"There's not a lot that I am good at. But I'm good at getting guys to want me. Not date me, or marry me, but want me. Oh, and sharing - I'm great at sharing."

"Sharing is good."

"Yes," she observes in a moment of sad self-awareness, "but it's not as marketable as you think."

Current Mood: thoughtful

But dying 10 steps away is fine.

Current Mood: amused

Me: Ready for work tomorrow?
N: I guess. Going to be a long, busy day.
Me: What do you have to do? Just attend meetings right?
N: No lah, you think I just sit around all day ah? I'm very busy OK? I have to find out what has to be done, check out who's in the office... and delegate out the work to others.
Me: *flatly* Did you say 'Delegate work to others'? Tough job.

Current Mood: tickled

I had a glimpse of "Who's Smarter than a 5th Grader?" today and this quote immediately popped into my head:

"Don't you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked 'Brightness,' but it doesn't work."